"Game of Death" Commentary


Commentary done between myself (Neil Koch, aka gweilo845) and "American Ninja" (Kenner) from City on Fire on 9/6/02

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When you see the speaker icon, click on it to hear some sounds.

Kenner: What I wanna know is what is up with the title sequence?

Gweilo: Haha, yeah! More bad 70's Nyquil-induced shit. I like how they put pictures with the actors like a porno movie, so you know whose ass to kick.

game of death

Someone actually got paid to make this crap.


Someone actually got paid to make more crap.

Kenner: That was taken from "Way of the Dragon".

Gweilo: Gee, Robert Clouse ripping off something? Shocking!

Kenner: It's surprising they actually credit Chuck Norris to be in this movie when he didn't even have a second of screen time.

Gweilo: I personally like the disclaimer they put up right away about this not being related to any real people. As if anyone thought Bruce Lee could act FROM THE FUCKING GRAVE.

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"Uh, we're gonna need some makeup for Bruce..."

Kenner: Boy, I'll tell ya... Robert Clouse gives Joel Schumacher a real run for the money when it comes to incompetence.

Gweilo: This guy could run the twit relay all by himself.

Kenner: I can tell this commentary is gonna be low budget, since we just mentioned Joel Schumacher.

Gweilo: Ohh, the mandatory EVIL WHITE GUY just mentioned a "super rock group"! Nice script. Hahaha! The bad "Bruce mask". Nice effects.

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Maybe they should have taken some money from that "super rock group" and put it into the special effects.

Kenner: Man, this directing sucks. I can tell Clouse did this. Is that Bruce Le or the guy from "No Retreat No Surrdender"?

Gweilo: Actually there were several lookalikes used. Man, that white chick cannot sing!

Kenner: Colleen Camp.

Gweilo: Ooooh, you know this is the BIG EVIL GUY because he has mean fish!


Gweilo: I'm scared, the guy is chewing a match! What a tough guy.

Kenner: Is it true that Gig Young killed himself and his wife after this movie?

Gweilo: I don't know. Robert Clouse was just a jinx, so it wouldn't surprise me.

Kenner: Yeah, I know the guy who played Dr. Land died after this movie too. Man, this Clouse is bad luck.

Gweilo: When your main villain looks like he needs Depends, that's just not good.

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"Can we hurry up and finish? 'Matlock' is coming on soon."


Yeah, I like you too, big guy.

Gweilo: You know if I ever go to Hong Kong, I will make a point of avoiding anyone on a motorcycle. Because they're always EEEEVIL. And Bruce is rockin' the Blublockers.

Kenner: Robert Clouse has single handedly ruined more careers than cocaine overdoses. I mean, Bolo Yeung in "Ironheart". Almost Jackie Chan in "Big Brawl" and Richard Norton in "Gymkata"... not to mention Cynthia Rothrock.

Gweilo: Why is that chick still scared when Billy is whooping ass? What a fucking whiner.

Kenner: More like a weiner. She is so pathetic. And what is up with all this ZEN-SHIT. "It's better to live a life of broken jade then a life of clay" What the hell?

Gweilo: Will someone PLEASE put some pants on Kareem?

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"Hey, jerky, what did you do with my pants? There's a wicked draft in here."

Gweilo: This white guy is trying too hard for this movie.

Kenner: Yeah, no shit. He just looks like a goofball. And that awful hairdo don't help matters either. Man, did Robert Clouse do anything decent after this?

Gweilo: Did he do anything decent before it?

Kenner "Enter the Dragon". Although Lee directed a lot of it.

Gweilo: I like how that one guy tries to be sneaky even though he's wearing a YELLOW JUMPSUIT.

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If "Where's Waldo" is too tough for you, then try playing "Where's the guy in the yellow jumpsuit".

Kenner: Man, that's almost worse then that samurai suit Dolph Lundgren wears at the end of "Showdown in Little Tokyo". Do any martial arts movies have heroes wear anything decent?

Gweilo: Not judging by this movie... someone tell Billy to button up his shirt!

Kenner: According to an interview with Bob Wall, they actually had enough footage to finish the movie since it was almost done. Why didn't "Joel Schumacher of the 70's" use some of that footage? I mean, it's common sense!

Gweilo: Because he thought he could do it better by himself. After all, Robert Clouse made Bruce Lee a star! Just like that guy from "Gymkata" or Britton Lee.

Kenner: I still can't get over why you would make a movie about a gymnast who fights terrorists.

Gweilo: I can't get over why you put Colleen Camp in a movie. She sucks and doesn't even show boobies! Our guy Bobby Clouse must have had the hots for her or something.

Kenner: "Joel Schumacher of the 70's" didn't want to distract the audience from his "talent".

Gweilo: Actually, thank God this wasn't directed by Schumacher or else we would have Billy running around in a codpiece and ice skating ala "Batman and Robin".

game of death

Um, you know, I really can't think of anything funny to say about this picture without having gay rights groups suing my ass...


...so I'll let Adam Sandler do the talking.

Kenner: Oh, come on! What is up with the cut-out cardboard face pasted on Lee's stunt double! CHEAP! That's even worse than Clooney and O'Donnell making asses of themselves.

Gweilo: Worst. Effect. Ever.

Kenner: Dude, not even Ed Wood would do such a thing. It's something a first grader would do.

Gweilo: What I don't get is that you have a star popular all over the world and a major studio backing things up and THAT was the best they could come up with.

Kenner: The scene where Lee gets shot on the set of the movie is kind of ironic... like how Brandon Lee would die.

Gweilo: If Clouse was still alive he probably would have reused that footage, I mean he uses the real footage from Bruce's funeral here! Cheap and distasteful.

Kenner: Clouse's name was dirt in the 90's. He offered a role in "Ironheart" to Don "The Dragon" Wilson. Wilson laughed at his face.

Gweilo: Now that's some karma. Good for Don.

Kenner: Clouse couldn't get the guy who did "Bloodfist 5: Kick Or Die".

Gweilo: Some people e-mailed me about a few reviews and they said Robert Clouse was a cheap SOB. He wouldn't even pay for seperate trailers for the men and women, so everyone had to change in the same place.

Kenner: He puts the lack back in LACKLUSTER.

Gweilo: Actually, he put the ASS in half-ass.

Kenner: I talked to a guy who did the catering on the set of "China O'Brien" and he said Clouse was a big asshole. Lorenzo Lamas was an asshole to me when I met him. I met him at a kickboxing tournament and he came to watch the fights and I won the gold medal, and he says to me "You got a long ways to go before you get to the status I'm at!" Such an asshole, I mean he did RENEGADE for God's sake!

Gweilo: Geez, we are talking about fucking "Renegade".

game of death

Someone actually made a whole site dedicated to that lame-ass show. If there is a God, the guy responsible for that site will not breed or even touch a woman.

Kenner: Anyway, now what do you think Of Bob Wall?

Gweilo: Pretty impressive for a white guy. That might sound stupid, but when you're going up against Asian fighters and you can hold your own, that's pretty damn good.

Kenner: Without a doubt, the best martial artist making movies is Jet Li. The only white guy I could see even make an attempt at putting up a decent fight with him is Gary Daniels.

Gweilo: He's good, but no real competiton with Jet. Hey, there's Sammo Hung. Sammo looks pissed, someone get that guy a pork chop!

Kenner: Screw a porkchop, Get him a beer!

Gweilo says: Sammo's tight, gives us big guys something to shoot for. Of course, the only thing I have years of training on is grabbing a beer. Sammo should give Bob the MICHINOKU DRIVER~!

game of death

Don't piss off TAKA~! or else he'll choppy-choppy your pee-pee.

Kenner: Seriously, Sammo is pissed off, it's like pissing off a wild hippo. Sammo Hung is cool. Why not dedicate this movie to him? Fat people need action movies also!

Gweilo: Even though Sammo just got beaten badly, it was not nearly as embarassing as having to co star with Aresnio Hall. Now that's just WRONG.

Kenner: "Martial Law" was better then "Walker Texas Ranger" at least.

Gweilo: That's not saying much. Jackie Chan's Cableflex infomerical was more exciting than "Walker".

Kenner: Norris looks like he has terminal gas pains.

Gweilo: It sucks, Bruce was killed in his prime but yet Norris lives on. Sometimes I think that there is no God.

Kenner: Okay, now you see the part Lee kicks Bob Wall like 6 times? That is really Bob Wall doing it.

Gweilo: Well yeah back then actors weren't a bunch of MTV pussies. And this scene reminds me why I like Bruce Lee. Even though his movies sucked in a lot of ways, he is just such a BADASS.

Gweilo: I dedicate that scene to this shot I am drinking... "You lose, Jagermeister!"

Kenner: You lose CARL MILLER!

game of death

The only guy better at talking smack than Bruce is my personal hero, the "Big Booty Daddy" Scott Steiner.


Listen and behold the power, you piece of white trash!

Gweilo: George Bush should say that at a meeting... "You lose YASSIR ARAFAT!"

Kenner: These scenes are actually decent.

Gweilo: Well, this last part was actually done with Bruce.

Kenner: Yeah, it shows, it's much tighter paced.

Gweilo: Bruce was a great director in the making I think.

Kenner: Absolutely classic. There is no way it can be better these fights. I mean, compared to what we get now, this is really inventive. Maybe "Joel Schumacher of the 70's" isn't as dumb as he seems. Oh wait, he did "Gymkata". My bad.

Gweilo: Well, nowadays, most any movie geek with some decent software could put together some good stuff. Clouse was just a bitch that tried to ride Lee's corpse all the way to the bank.

Kenner: I'm surprised he didn't hound Brandon Lee.

Gweilo: He was pretty much dead by the time Brandon's star was rising.

Kenner: WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe "Laser Mission" was really directed by Robert Clouse, and he went under a different alias, and faked his death, so Lee thought it was really Beau Davis.

Gweilo: Hahahah. Put down the Heineken and step away from the keyboard, man.

Kenner: I am pretty cranked.

Gweilo: You gotta be for any Robert Clouse movie. We should get Jagermeister to sponsor this.

game of death

If Jager can make a skinny hag like Helen Hunt look good, imagine what it could do for a Robert Clouse movie. Oh yeah, go and give this jackass some hate mail. There are people starving in the world, but yet this dimwit can dedicate their life to a fucking Helen Hunt website. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my eyeballs out now.

Kenner: Well, at least this doesn't go into the pits of "Big Brawl" or the utterly awful "Ironheart". I just checked Clouse's filmography from IMDB and he has not made one damn decent movie besides this "Enter The Dragon".

Gweilo: And that surprises you?

Kenner: Joel Schumacher finds work. In fact, so does Jalal Merhi. Okay, okay. I found the one decent movie he made that didn't star Bruce Lee. "Black Belt Jones".

Gweilo: Yeah, but again, there was a good star in Jim Kelly. A good director takes no-names and makes the film good.

Kenner: Oh and I did stay awake for "Amsterdam Kill". Okay, okay, I'll come clean, I cheated. I had my eyelids stapled open so I wouldn't fall asleep.

Gweilo: Even though the rest of this movie is pretty much crap, this last bit is great.

game of death

Friends don't let friends wear jumpsuits.

Kenner: I still think the only real way to enjoy this movie is to watch it as if it's a Bruce Le or Bruce Li movie, since it's not really a Bruce Lee movie. Lee makes a cameo here really. And yet it's strangely watchable. If anyone tells you that Clouse directed "Enter The Dragon", rest assures this person is a complete moron, for it was Bruce Lee.

Gweilo: Yeah, this is one of the best Bruce Lee movies that he was never really in. But this last bit with the multiple fights is just great. I wanna play some "Kung Fu" on my Nintendo now.

Kenner says: Hold on. Bobby Clouse died in 1997 from kidney failure. His last movie was "Ironheart".

Gweilo: Yeah, so?

Kenner: One can assume he has gone to hell for going out with a movie as bad as "Ironheart". This was fun. I am gonna play RAMBO III on Sega now!

game of death

The American Ninja lives out his dream of attacking heavily-armed helicopters with a bow and arrow.

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