"Gen-Y Cops" (aka "Metal Mayhem") Commentary
Commentary done between myself (Neil Koch, aka gweilo845) and "Mighty Peking Man" (aka afulltimekiller) from City on Fire on 5/1/02
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When you see the speaker icon, click on it to hear some sounds.
Now THAT'S a quality haircut.
afulltimekiller: Benny Chan. What the HELL was he thinkin'?
gweilo845: "I need saki money".
gweilo845: This robot looks like it was put togther with tinfoil and Elmer's paste... not even glue, because that would cost too much.
afulltimekiller: No shit. Kind of looks like a knock off of those Battlestar Galactica things. But the soundtrack is actually pretty good.
gweilo845: Big explosion go boom. At least when I am deaf, I won't have to listen to the bad acting. Oh lord, and now we have the son of Satan... the guy who makes Michael Wong look like Anthony Hopkins... Richard Sun. Whose dick did he have to smoke to get into this movie?
afulltimekiller: Obviously, who ever is the "head" of Media Asia. Benny must have thought "Gen-X Cops" did good because all the young pop idols. And he thought he can get away with making a half-assed action movie with pretty boys. I've never seen bad "rasta man" acting until now.
gweilo845: I know, how can you not be able to act stoned? Benny must have been smoking too much on the set.
afulltimekiller: Here it is, the BIG Edison Chen introduction and THE END OF HONG KONG CINEMA.
Imagine this joker coming to pick up your daughter.
gweilo845: SUP DOG! Man, this kid is a lousy actor. "Just a couple of bitches". I think we're that for devoting this much time to this movie.
afulltimekiller: Fucking pop idols, romantic comedies, special effects and video game shit. Thank God for Korean cinema in between all the Milkyway gangster stuff... if there will ever be another!
gweilo845: Well, just give Korean stuff a few years and it'll be Hollywood wannabe crap like "Metal Mayhem" here.
afulltimekiller: You're probably right, man.
gweilo845: Someone tell Stephen Fung to never do kung fu again. At least Sam Lee plays it up for laughs.
afulltimekiller: The fight scenes are even crappy! I mean, this is a HK film. Even BAD HK films usually have good action scenes!
gweilo845: The guys probably didn't want to mess up their hair. The hair gel budget probably cost more than the stunt work.
Now kids, remember no matter how much you drink, hair gel is NOT a viable subsitiute for jelly on a sandwich.
afulltimekiller: No, I tell ya, all the budget was in the film's credits. By the way, Ron Smoorenburg from "Who Am I?" was one of the guys they were fighting. Now there's a guy with a bright future. Goes from pissing Jackie Chan off to do being pretty much a stand-in in THIS!
gweilo845: He was also in "Avenging Fist" for like two minutes... another example of why Stevey shouldn't fight. Here is Christy Chung supporting her coke habit.
afulltimekiller: Now, Christy Chung is hot. Coke habit? Say it isn't so!
gweilo845: Allegedly. I would start doing blow if I had to act in this movie!
afulltimekiller: No doubt. That guy doing the robot thing, he directed a Jackie Chan flick right?
gweilo845: Yeah, Vincent Kok, the genius behind "Gorgeous".
afulltimekiller: That guy should stick to being in front of cameras. He's pretty funny.
gweilo845: He is actually a big pop star too. Oh God, not the FBI chant! The FBI is arriving. Gimme a F... gimme a U... gimme a C... oh wait.
"Maybe if I keep smiling and acting like a dope, this movie will just go away."
gweilo845: Anthony Wong, he must be hard up for saki money also. Does this guy even bother to read scripts anymore?
afulltimekiller: That guy can't act.
gweilo845: He used to be good. Now he is in Eric Roberts territory.
afulltimekiller: No, nobody is in ERIC ROBERTS territory! At least Wong does some good supporting roles like in "Time and Tide".
gweilo845: I'm sorry, that went below the belt.
afulltimekiller: Eric can't even be an extra in a good movie.
gweilo845: Well, another Eric, Eric Kot is Anthony Wong's partner in here. I hate him, he's a weak Stephen Chow wannabe.
afulltimekiller: Christy Chung must be in that age of "horny women". She's gotta be in her late 20's or early 30's. That's when chicks are sex machines. It explains all the nude shit she's been doin'.
gweilo845: No, I think it comes back to the whole saki money thing. Boobies sell. SUP DOG! SUP DOG!
If you didn't want to beat Edison's ass before, you'll want to after hearing this a few times.
afulltimekiller: Cold chillin'. And Stephen Fung. Get a fuckin' haircut man.
gweilo845: Damn hair farmer. He's almost into Ekin territory there. That would be a good grudge match... hair versus hair in a battle to the death or baldness, whichever comes first.
afulltimekiller: Louis Koo is also doing the hair farmer shit.
gweilo845: Don't they have SuperCuts in Hong Kong? And why are we having a frigging paintball shootout?
afulltimekiller: Five whole years man!
gweilo845: This part is the most painful five minutes in film. Watching Edison and Richard act off of each other is worse than watching Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne in a mud wrestling match.
afulltimekiller: No shit. Jesus. This is "I can act black and come off cool".
Another example of why Edison deserves a good ass-beating.
afulltimekiller: BALLIN' BABY!
gweilo845: BALLIN' BABY! Richard Sun is one ugly mofo. Get some friggin' Oxy 10.
afulltimekiller: He looks like Teriyaki style beef jerky. Richard Sun as "the guy from Full Metal Jacket"!
gweilo845: Yo dog, I am in a world of shit, proper.
afulltimekiller: This part is done pretty cool. The whole zombie thing. Too bad it's wasted on this movie, yo!
gweilo845: Well, this movie is technically done very well.
afulltimekiller: I bet these guys drink hot tea and pour it down for their dead homiez.
gweilo845: Yo biatch, I didn't ask for no MSG on my fried rice!
afulltimekiller: Do you now what they call Ramen Noodles in the UK?
gweilo845: They don't call 'em Ramen Noodles?
afulltimekiller: No. Well, not exactly. They have a funny brand name. They're called POT NOODLES.
gweilo845: That's funny becuase they only time they taste any sort of good is when you're really stoned.
afulltimekiller: Just makes me wonder why gZa [guy from City on Fire] seems so... you know, the way he is.
Ramen Noodles: the preferred food group of broke college students, stoners and winos everywhere.
gweilo845: Ramen Noodles are like this kind of movie... cheap and fills you up, but not very exciting and it gets old after a while.
afulltimekiller: This movie wouldn't be so bad if it was a stand-alone film. Which is probably the reason why they called it "Metal Mayhem". It was probably Benny Chan's idea, especially after "Gen-X Cops" had a good following here in the States.
gweilo845: I like this part when the robots fight. The RS1 is the best actor in the movie!
afulltimekiller: That's barely saying a thing. Come on, you're comparing it to Richard Sun! Give the bots more credit.
gweilo845: You can actually see the guy in the suit's eyes though.
afulltimekiller: I don't see shit. Why did they just jump out of the window when the explosion was actually outside of the room they were in?
gweilo845: It's movie physics, like how people can always outrun fireballs.
afulltimekiller: Why does every action movie have a hero that gets blamed for the bad stuff the evil guys do?
gweilo845: It's another cliche. You know, I would think the bad guys could get a better getaway car than a Toyota minivan.
Nothing says "hardcore criminal" like a minivan. You can steal a bunch of stuff and still have room for the kids after you pick them up from soccer practice.
afulltimekiller: I told ya, the budget went in the credits.
gweilo845: Benny Chan had to borrow his mom's car.
afulltimekiller: Even his mom had a better car than that. Who the FUCK is that redhead guy? A knock off of the guy from "Children of the Corn" with a haircut?
gweilo845: Seriously, where do they find these gweilo guys in Hong Kong movies? No wonder Asian people think Americans are dumb.
afulltimekiller: I don't know. I think they take a vacation there and they kind of just work themselves into a Hong Kong film. Another cliche... let's jump in the water, and all of the sudden, we're bullet-proof.
gweilo845: I wish someone would drown Edison like an unwanted cat.
afulltimekiller: Edison Chen is Lau Ching-Wan compared to Richard Sun.
gweilo845: I want to bitchslap that kid. He probably talks like that in real life, like the kids at the mall that use the food court as their turf.
Why haven't you beat Edison's ass by now?
afulltimekiller: That black guy has that "black porn star" look.
gweilo845: "Hard target the suspect" indeed.
afulltimekiller: Watching Christy Chung in this movie makes you wonder if she really was on coke.
gweilo845: I'm telling ya.
afulltimekiller: Uh, brotha... that jacket is too small for you! So... seen any good Korean movies yet?
gweilo845: No, but if I watch too many more halfass HK movies like this, I will have to. Nice shirt Maggie Q has on.
afulltimekiller: Spider-Woman. I hate to admit this, but my hair is starting to look like Edison Chen's.
gweilo845: You want me to bring my Flowbee over?
afulltimekiller: Nah, I'm good. I'll just get a hair cut. Dude, that JACKET is too small for you!
gweilo845: I wonder how much poop is in that water they're swimming in?
afulltimekiller: There's the bullet-proof water again.
gweilo845: It's all the poop.
afulltimekiller: Edison can sure throw his jacket, especially for being underwater.
gweilo845: I like how the guys just jump out of the boat after Stephen takes the wheel, even though they all have guns.
afulltimekiller: Yeah. What the hell was that? So this movie was the inspiration for your Hong Kong Fight Club?
gweilo845: Yes. I think Tyler would not like Edison.
afulltimekiller: Good point.
Even Tyler Durden's throwaway lines are more intelligent than any quote from this movie.
afulltimekiller: Uh oh, the Richard Sun duel. Edison is pissed.
gweilo845: Yeah, on the subject of great cinematic duels like Luke versus Darth, this ranks right near the total bottom.
afulltimekiller: Yeah, this one is down there with Don Wong versus Chuck Norris.
gweilo845: I'm rooting for Edison to win just so Richard will shut up. YO YO YO!
afulltimekiller: Damn, Richard Sun is so bad. He should have been your first choice for the Hong Kong Fight Club.
gweilo845: Bruce Lee is spinning in his grave. I've seen better fights in the trailer park.
afulltimekiller: "I ran out of bullets baby!" Why does everyone think doing "Bruce Lee" is funny?
gweilo845: I don't know. It's just stupid.
afulltimekiller: I mean, they BOTH do it. Both Sam Lee and Stephen!
Bruce Lee gives his opinion about people ripping off his moves.
gweilo845: Sam is beating up the red headed guy like... well... a red headed stepchild. You know you suck at kung fu when even wires don't help.
afulltimekiller: I like how Stephen Fung shows he just doesn't care. He's not even trying to act in this film. Watching this really brings out Nic Tse's talent.
gweilo845: I thought about that. I think him and Sam knew this movie was going to suck but had to do it because of a contract or something. It's like they are parodying themselves.
afulltimekiller: Exactly. I don't know about Sam though, I read an article where he said "I hope 'Gen-Y Cops' does well in the States - so I can be famous there". Those aren't the words of a guy that knew he was doing shit. They must be using Richard Sun's car for this part. "I'll let you guys dent my car, just please get me in the movie!"
gweilo845: Richard is going "oh shit, Mom is going to kill me!"
afulltimekiller: This movie seems long.
gweilo845: I think it's about two hours. Which in watching Edison and Richard is like two years.
afulltimekiller: Notice how Christy Chung started doing serious films after this. A softcore PORN nevertheless. I mean, I guess she REALLY wanted to forget about this. Or her fans, rather.
Everyone in the WWW business knows that tits equal hits. So here you go, Christy Chung naked. Or is she nude? Or topless? Or engaged in hardcore lesbian sex sexy sexual acts? Boy, I love Google. Go, Googlebot, go!
gweilo845: Heh, flash the boobies to make 'em forget. Well, her porn book sold like 50,000 copies the first week, so I guess she accompished her mission. Have you seen those pictures? That girl is a freak. WHAT UP HO!
afulltimekiller: I haven't seen all of them. Is it good stuff?
gweilo845: I'm not really into the arty porn. I'd rather see bush and early morning dew.
afulltimekiller: Benny Chan likes shots of trucks. Everyone one of his films has a scene with a truck in that same angle.
gweilo845: Someone tell Richard to put a shirt on for Christ's sake. I just ate. The Arab guy is named Akmed, how original. And I'm just thinking, if you're going to be making a big arms deal, maybe it would be better to be a little more inconspicous and not wear the huge towels on your heads.
afulltimekiller: Here comes the small jacket guy.
gweilo845: You would think with all the tailors in Hong Kong he could have done something with that jacket. Ooh, big plot twist. SUP DOG!
afulltimekiller: That black guy is a knock off of Daniel Wu's traitor in "Gen-X Cops". His acting was so bad, it looks like they dubbed in his voice using a white actor trying to sound black.
gweilo845: Just like Vincent Kok is a clone of the Eric Tsang character.
afulltimekiller: Yeah, they look alike.
gweilo845: More Benny Chan truck nuttiness. He must own stock in a company or something, like how Jackie Chan has Mitsubishi in every movie.
afulltimekiller: Yeah, he has the "MACK" hook up.
gweilo845: Oh man, that was bad.
afulltimekiller: You must be talking about Stephen Fung's "kick and now I'm hanging off a cliff". Here it is... Bandai knock off!
gweilo845: Go Go Power Rangers!
afulltimekiller: Macross! Is this the "Police Story" mall?
gweilo845: I don't know.
afulltimekiller: It's funny, everytime I see a mall in a HK flick, I suddenly think of "Police Story". The end of "Terminator" seems so up to date now.
We need Arnold to whip this cast into shape.
afulltimekiller: Even the explosions in this movie look bad. I mean, HOW can you mess that up?
gweilo845: It's craptastic!
afulltimekiller: Robot rumble.
gweilo845: I have a rumbling in my pants from the laxative that is this movie.
afulltimekiller: Thank God it's almost over.
gweilo845: Man, I could make better stuff than this with Photoshop. LENS FLARES!
afulltimekiller: Richard worships his robot more than GAWD! "Scarface" rip off.
gweilo845: Somebody call Al Pacino's mom, he's gonna kill someone!
afulltimekiller: It would help if they kicked him and touched it.
gweilo845: What's up with all the dropkicks? This ain't the WWF. But Jumping Jim Brunzell would be proud.
afulltimekiller: They did call this film "Metal Mayhem". It sounds like a WWF thing.
gweilo845: They should give him Hulk Hogan's BIG BOOT! A vicious move! Hogan would be all up in RS1's grill... SUP DOG! and then give him the BOOT!
Spurned by jealousy of the full heads of hair featured in this movie, Hulk goes into a rampage. At least that's what happens in my dream, and hopefully yours too.
afulltimekiller: Looks like the end of "No Retreat, No Surrender II". Why did they show that robot's head wobble while it was falling in the water? 'Nam flashbacks?
gweilo845: Oh man, they are throwing the robot away, they are going to lose the 10 cent deposit for the aluminium.
afulltimekiller: "Can I get some subtitles over here!" That's funny.
gweilo845: Who told the gweilo to speak Cantonese? Enough already! It's bad enough when the Chinese people can't speak it.
afulltimekiller: He wants to know where the best gay bar in HK is.
gweilo845: A night at the Blue Oyster for all!
afulltimekiller: It took this many people to make this movie. SHIT. At least the credits are rolling.
gweilo845: Hey, this Edison Chen song ain't bad when he isn't singing. Now I am going to shake my rump.
afulltimekiller: You mean, this is actually an instrumental to his song?
afulltimekiller: No way.
gweilo845: Have you heard the song? He starts rapping. "Kickin yo ass like Robocop".
Okay, this is it. If Edison Chen rapping through a voice synthesizer to a cheesy techno beat doesn't make you want to beat his ass, then I'm gonna beat YOUR ass.
afulltimekiller: No. I'm glad I haven't. I guess I can take back what I said about using Richard Sun first for the Fight Club.
gweilo845: Any parting thoughts on this fine cinematic masterpiece?
afulltimekiller: Acually. I'd like to see a part III bringing back Tse. They really need to overlap this with something.
gweilo845: Too bad Tse's career is in the crapper now.
afulltimekiller: Yeah, he's gonna end up like Mickey Rourke. Couldn't even 'fess up to his accident.
gweilo845: Well, at least he got to lay pipe to Faye Wong.
afulltimekiller: True, true. The highlight of his career. What about you? Any last words?
gweilo845: I hope Richard Sun is impotent so he can't carry on his seed and subject my future kids to crap like this. And Christy Chung makes me tingle in my special area. That's about it.
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