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Mafia Vs. Ninja
Do you like kung fu? Do you like ninjas? Would you like to see them in a movie together? Of course you would. But, unfortunately, Mafia Vs. Ninja is most definitely not the vehicle to deliver those dreams in. Showcasing a virtual stratosphere of low-budget "goodness", this is the sort of bottom of the barrel stuff that you would buy for fifty cents at the dollar store, and would still want a quarter back after you hit the stop button. Our hero here is Jack Doh (Alexander Lo Rei), a smarmy chap who heads to Shanghai with big dreams, but empty pockets. As soon as he gets off of the boat, Jack gets into a fight with Charlie Wu (Charlema Hsu), who mistakes him for a rapist. Apparently, both guys find this hilarious, and they're soon the best of buds. Through a series of convoluted plot twists (believe me, this is the sort of release you do not want to pay too much attention to the actual plot, for fear of your head exploding ala Scanners) Jack and Charlie become the heads of the Shanghai triad, which attracts the attention of a ninja (Tong Lung) looking to make Shanghai his own territory. But the ninja doesn't decide to take out the upstarts himself, instead sending a group of four racial stereotypes... I mean hitmen... to do the job. My personal "favorite" is the wine-swilling, cigar-chewing, knife-throwing, greasy-haired, scar-faced Italian. Going from his history as a protege of Chang Cheh and action director of several martial arts classics like The Five Deadly Venoms, director Robert Tai perhaps realized that the story of Mafia Vs. Ninja was total crap, and tried to redeem things by upping the fight quotient. Yes, there are plenty of fisticuffs thrown at the viewer here, but, frankly, for the most part, they're not made very well. There are a ton of obvious tricks used like undercranking and barely-hidden wirework. And don't get me started on the "special effects" used for the ninja trickery. Apparently, a pile of leaves pulled by a string is supposed to show that ninjas are tunneling through the ground. Ech. Your average 1980's Michael Dudikoff straight-to-VHS B-movie had cooler ninja antics than what's presented here. If you're a die-hard fan of B-movie cheese, you might find something worthwhile here. Certainly, the atrocious English dub itself is worthy of a Mystery Science Theatre smackdown, especially if you find yourself stranded in a blizzard-locked cabin with a few of your fellow beer-swilling kung fu-watching buddies, and the only other DVD you have is disc one of season two of Sabrina The Teenage Witch -- and that one is scratched. However, your average joe reading this review off of a random Google search would probably be better off taking the 99 cents they might spend on this DVD and buying a gas station chili dog. Because, at least then, they would get some sort of tangible fufillment for consuming the sub-standard product. RATING: 4 |