Twin Daggers
2006; directed by Chan Kwan-Hau

A low-budget crap-fest of the lowest order, Twin Daggers is absolute torture to sit through, unless you're a fan of seeing white people do really bad wire-fu. Even if you're an aficionado of bad movies, this should be avoided like the toothless girl sitting at the bar at closing time.

The story takes place in the 1930's, where a team of assassins known as the "Go Team" are hired by Kay (CoCo Su Jin) to kill her twin sister Sue, who is a powerful businesswoman in Shanghai. Kay mixes things up by giving one total bounty for Sue's death, so the Go Team begins fighting each other in addition to trying to take out their target.

Why was this movie set in the 1930's? I don't know, and apparently the film-makers didn't either, because there is absolutely no continuity. There are several flashback scenes that take place in 1929, where the Go Team takes out a group of FBI agents. Too bad the FBI wasn't actually formed until 1935. Oops. And besides a couple of looped shots that show a couple of old cars and trolleys, there's no attention to historical detail, to the point where some of the characters are wearing modern clothes, including a very obvious Tommy Hilfinger tracksuit.

If you think the action is going to save Twin Daggers, well, as the old saying goes, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one fills up first. Action director Ng Min-Kan has slapped together scenes here that feature the style of very exaggerated wire-fu and undercranking that was tired in 1996, much less 2006. Even if that still somehow tickles your fancy, let me just tell you that there's a character whose gimmick is dressing as a mime and doing magic tricks. I've watched a lot of truly awful movies in the twelve years I've run this site that feature all manners of puzzling things, but I've never seen a fighting mime, and frankly, I hope to never again.

RATING: 3